The contract no one ever signed
The end begins quietly, with bookkeeping. I did the dishes, yesterday and the day before. I thought of what mattered to her. Somewhere inside me an account runs along, debit and credit, keeping precise records. On the day my account stays in the red too long, I withdraw, just a…
Appreciation in everyday life
We quickly notice what annoys, and easily overlook what goes well. In relationships this turns dangerous: as soon as criticism and irritation outweigh the small friendly moments, the mood tips by stealth. The good part: you can tend the ratio actively.The ratio is what countsStable relationships have far more warm…
Recognising and voicing your needs
“It’s not about the dishwasher.” That’s almost always true. Behind concrete friction usually lie deeper needs: for appreciation, relief, closeness, room of one’s own. Left unspoken, they look for a detour through blame and withdrawal.From blame to needBlame is often a disguised need. “You’re never there” may mean: “I’d like…
Fighting fair
Conflict belongs to every living relationship. It turns harmful through the manner: contempt, point-scoring, old stories. Fair conflict can be agreed, best beforehand, in calm times.The red line: contemptCriticising a thing is fine. Contempt, eye-rolling, mockery, “typical you”, works like poison, because it devalues the person. Whoever drops it has…